What it’s like to survive an affair…
I say survived like I took a bullet or something, but I imagine the pain from infidelity is much worse. Being shot is temporary; the trauma from an affair is everlasting. Dr. Harley says that an affair is one of the most painful things you can inflict upon your spouse.
I want to promote Beyonce’s new album Lemonade, not because I am getting some kind of compensation or anything, but because the message really struck me. It is my duty as someone who can relate to empower other women who are or have gone through the same thing.
I wasn’t a fan of Beyonce’s until this album. I love her song Crazy In Love that she remade for Fifty Shades of Grey, other than that, I can’t tell you much else about her previous work. Put a Ring on It is probably the only other song I even remotely know.
I remember when speculation of an affair came up about Jay-Z, then it was like you never heard much else about it after the hype from the elevator fight died down.
Then Beyonce came out with Lemonade and let us all know just what she went through. At the time, it was none of our business. Affairs are very damaging, painful and personal. They had to deal with it however they felt it was right. A lot of emotions are felt upon discovery and during recovery. If you’ve never been through it, you have no idea. Lemonade is a great representation of what it’s like. She takes you through a visual experience, with powerful lyrics and compelling music that will transcend you to a place that is ugly, filled with anger and resentment, confusion, guilt, betrayal, rage and contempt. It is a destination you never wish to go, but once you arrive, you will rise from the ashes and come out stronger than ever. You set boundaries and take no shit and your life is catapulted in a way you never imagined.
Lemonade starts off with her own questioning: “Are you cheating on me?” The songs at the beginning of the album are about the beginning stages of finding out an affair and she covers it with these topics of her visual album:
This is the time in which the pain is the most profound. Your life becomes a roller coaster that feels like it dips into the depths of hell and comes out in the middle of nowhere, leaving you on your own. Your initial response is to find out who, what, when, where and why then you are on a mission to hurt and possibly destroy everyone involved to transfer that pain from you to them because you are undeserving and they are the complete jerks who betrayed you.
When your mind clears and it feels like your world has been set back upright again, you begin to come to your senses and rationalize your thinking: I can’t behave like a maniac because I have kids who are watching and need mommy sane. You realize that, no, you DIDN’T deserve any of that no matter what the circumstances. “Who the f*ck do you think I is?!” on the track Hold Up. You aren’t going to let someone have any kind of power over your feelings: YOU are in control. So you dust yourself off and pick your ass up. Sorry is where we go next on this journey.
You realize that you will survive and you don’t need him and his issues to make it in this world. You weren’t dependent on him to be happy or to live the life you have. But then reality sets in. You love this man. You truly love this man and walking away for good isn’t that easy. “Every promise don’t work out that way.” The biggest thing you think about is how leaving will affect your child(ren). In a world where 50% of marriages end in divorce, you decide that nothing can threaten what is real. The love you have is real despite what happened. I know it sounds crazy, if your spouse loved you, why would they do something so hurtful? It isn’t about you, remember? It’s something flawed and broken within them that leads them to that decision. And selfishness.
I know many of us tell our spouses that if they ever cheated, it would be over. That isn’t how it usually works out and that is what Beyonce is saying in Sandcastles and All Night. The love is too strong to walk away. You try to imagine leaving because you would love nothing more than to hurt them as they have hurt you. Marriage isn’t a game and you don’t try to one-up your spouse when they hurt you. You try to understand where they came from and work it out because there are more important things that rely on you to do so, like your kids.
Throughout the rest of the album, we go through other stages after an affair:
All in all, how you decide to deal with infidelity in your marriage is your choice and you should never feel bad about that decision. You just have to be sure one way or the other.
And to all those home wreckers:
You know you that b*tch when you cause all this conversation
I’m looking at you, Erica and Paula.
And Becky with the good hair.
Okay, ladies now let’s get in formation.
**This interpretation of Lemonade are all mine and are not factual. I am simply someone who has been through this experience and can relate to a lot of the thoughts and emotions portrayed on this album.
All screenshots were taken by me from Lemonade and are copyright of Beyonce.
Wendy is a facebook administrator and editor for Modern Day Moms. She is a multi-purpose mom (aren’t we all, really?) who loves home decor, couponing, sewing, photography, Pinterest, frugal living… ok, pretty much all the same things that most women love! She enjoys spending time with her family and friends while living on the gulf coast. Her two Boston Terriers – Oscar and Lily – occasionally make appearances on MDM.